Our Alarmist Media

"If it bleeds, it leads." That's the general rule adhered to by the mainstream press -- and nothing jumps off the front page like a good doomsday scenario. Remember Y2K? SARS? The Avian flu? Weapons of mass destruction? So, you can understand why I'm not surprised that this whole "swine flu" scare has been blown way out of proportion.

For example, The Canadian Press is reporting that China's mainland has confirmed its fourth case of swine flu. That's four cases out of over 1.3 billion people. This is what qualifies as international news?

The frustrating aspect of this fiasco is that this particular strain of influenza is no more potent than those which contribute to about 250,000 to 500,000 deaths worldwide each year. Still, that hasn't stopped Reuters from reporting that U.S. health officials are concerned that "the 5,123 confirmed and probable cases and six deaths in the United States" are just the "tip of the iceberg."

I'm sure it's reports like these that have prompted the World Health Organization to keep the alert against this particular flu strain at phase 5, with phase 6 being the worst. Did anyone happen to mention to the WHO that approximately 15 million children died from starvation last year? Or that 46 million kids were murdered by abortion? Where are those headlines?

I need an epidural!!!

This is such a painful delivery!!! What in the world? Today marks the 38th month since we were logged in to China's system. We REALLY thought we were going to get Olivia's referral last week. Not even thinking we were being unrealistic this time. April referrals came out on the 3rd, so logic would say that the first week of May would bring the next batch. What fools we are to have had faith in China and to even USE logic. What fools. So we have said, "some time in the next year" in 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 and now in 2009, and then we have said, "some time in the next month", and "hopefully some time in the next week" and now we find ourselves repeating that. What fools! Once again, we are wrong and once again I ask myself why I am surprised. I am mad at myself for even getting a little excited. The rumors are that the delay is due to the swine flu, even though that makes NO sense. But remember, there is no room for logic or common sense in international adoption. Please pray for us. We. Are. Fried.

Weary on the Journey...

I don't mean to exclude my non-adopting pals, but really, you have to be an adoptive parent to totally, fully understand how this process wears you out, financially, physically, mentally, spiritually, psychologically, and every other "ally". We are close with China, which is great, but we just found out that we have to have DNA testing done for Philippe and their bio father. You know who pays for that, too. You do. So I don't need to tell you! Just tired. Tired of invoices. Tired of waiting. Tired of stupid things like fingerprints EXPIRING. Just plain weary and tired. So. THERE.

Warning! If you read this you WILL get mad!

We thought about switching dentists when we moved across town because it would be nice to have one closer to home, but then thought we had been going there so long we might as well drive across town – it isn’t every day after all! When I found out that he was an adoptive father I thought, “Well, that clinches it! He will be great with the kids and we will have that in common!

Then, when my mouth was full of novocaine, rubber gloves and dental implements, our dentist told this story:
“My (adopted) son from [another country] has fetal alcohol syndrome so he has a hard time understanding certain things, but he is a good kid. Because of his syndrome he won’t be going to college but was planning on going to a vocational school. I have two older biological daughters, and I put them through college and he knows that. He came to me and asked, ‘Dad? You know how you helped [so] and [so] through college? Could you help me to go to vocational school?’ And I said, ‘Son, when we adopted you it cost a great deal of money – did you know it cost the same amount to adopt you as it did for the girls to go to school?’ He didn’t realize that, you see, because it is harder for him to understand sometimes.”

Let me just say this. It is a GOOD thing my mouth was numb and full of implements at that point. Actually, I may have been speechless even if I could have spoken. I can’t believe that someone would hold that over a child’s head. I can’t believe how non-chalantly he told me this. Like it was 100% totally peachy-keen ok to tell your kid that. Or to even THINK that way! You could do it for everything! “Dad, can we order a pizza?” “No, son, I am still paying off your adoption! It cost a great deal of money!” What about a biological child with health problems? Couldn’t you say, “We spent a great deal of money on your health expenses, son, so no, I won’t be helping you with college, but your healthy siblings, well, THEY can get help with theirs.” Where would this type of thinking end? I am so sorry for the child (now a young man) who has grown up with this.

Ummmm, yeah. We are switching dentists. And it is NOT because of the drive.

Poor Sportsmanship?

By now most of you have probably heard about the Dallas Academy girls' basketball team losing their last game to The Covenant School by a score of 100-0. Don't worry. They're taking the defeat in stride. Hardly aspiring WNBA stars, these charming young ladies were probably just happy to get together for a few hours after school each week to chat about boys and homework and lob a few airballs. They were just having fun.

Still, you can't help but feel sorry for these girls. I mean, 100 to zip! They couldn't make so much as a single free throw. To say that they were outmatched would be an understatement.

The reaction to this story has been virtually unanimous: "How could any team with even a shred of human decency run up the score like that? How dare they!"

OK, here's where I'm going to rub a few people the wrong way. I would have expected nothing less from the team that won. In fact, if I had been their coach, I probably would have wondered why they couldn't win by 200 points.

Now, before you think I'm being heartless, look at what the losing coach, Jeremy Civello, had to say:

"My girls never quit," he said. "They played as hard as they could to the very end. They played with all their hearts at 70-nothing, 80-nothing and 100-nothing. I was really proud of them. That's what I told them after the game." ...

... The Bulldogs play, Civello said, for more than the final score. They play in hope of improving skills, learning teamwork and picking up whatever life lessons athletics may bring. ...

... Against Covenant, Dallas Academy was surprised to see an obviously superior team keep the pressure on until it scored its 100th point in the fourth quarter. "I'm sure they could have won by 30 points and still had just as good a time," Civello said.

The reason I'm having such a hard time sympathizing with Dallas Academy is that coach Civello contradicted himself when he complained that the Covenant girls could have had just as much fun winning by 30. If the whole point is to have the girls playing "with all their hearts," who cares what the final score was, be it 100-0 or 200-0?

The fact is that he was embarrassed. And who can blame him? This kind of a loss -- not to mention the fact that Dallas Academy hasn't won a game in four years -- is hard to live down.

Still, we are left with the impression that Covenant coach Micah Grimes and his players are mean-spirited brutes because the team was still playing hard until the final buzzer. But isn't that exactly what we would expect of any team? Look at it from their perspective. Coach Grimes spends the entire season trying to get his players to give 100%. Do we expect him to go against everything he's been teaching them and suddenly try to get them not to play their best simply because the opposing team stinks?

When asked about the game, Grimes responded:

"It's unfortunate we got to 100 points in the game against Dallas Academy. It just happened, and we are not happy about that.

"Please know Covenant intended no harm against them. I see this as a real learning opportunity, so we can prevent this from happening in the future."

This coach is now made to feel guilty for daring to inspire his team to play competitively, as if it's his fault the girls of Dallas Academy have no basketball skills.

Because we live in a politically correct society that abhors competition among kids, we must see to it that hard work doesn't pay off. We must condemn teams like Covenant because their display of superior skills might damage the self-esteem of those who aren't quite as talented. That's why Covenant has been shamed into issuing a formal apology and forfeiting the game.

What I find extremely interesting is that not one person has dared to criticize coach Civello for allowing his team to be humiliated for four quarters. He could have called an end to it at any point during the game, but he didn't, and yet no one expects him to apologize.

Again, if the whole point is to get the kids to play their best, then it shouldn't matter what the score is. Period. But if we're more worried about fragile egos and hurt feelings, then perhaps parents should be a little more discerning when it comes to their children's extracurricular activities.

I'm Kinda Glad It Happened...

Of course I am not glad that people are losing their homes. I am not thrilled AT ALL that I know SIX people who, in the past two months, have lost their jobs. I am not excited about the bail outs, to be quite honest with you. But when I see a preview for Oprah for a show that discusses "How to say no to your kids for the first time", (it is the FIRST TIME that rings in my ears) and I hear certain friends constantly say, "I can't afford it" when they are dining out all the time and buying expensive bags, shoes, etc. I am kind of glad that we are waking up. We, as a nation, need to STOP SPENDING so much money!! Parents who don't say no to their kids are raising children who are expecting to get what they want, and when they don't get what they want, what happens? When they graduate, what are they going to live on? Your money? Their credit cards? Credit card debt STINKS. It STINKS. And so many people are there. It is so hard to get out from underneath that weight. We did it though, and even though we owe my parents for adoption fees, we have no credit card debt. It is not always easy to do, but we pay it off every month.

Aside from the obvious regarding the state of our economy, here is how I know we are a country out of control. I ordered some clothes from a certain website for Patricia early on for another visiting family to take to Haiti. In my giddiness, I put her name on it, so when the package arrived it said "Patricia Shelton". Guess who just got her first credit card application? Patricia Shelton. From ONE order in her name.

Ok, I shall climb down from one soapbox and climb upon another. My thrift store soap box. I used to watch a child for free who had a single mom. Once when the mom came to pick up the child, she fell apart on my couch, crying about her financial situation. She clothed her child almost exclusively in Gap Kids (down to the socks and underwear). I challenged her to avoid the mall (this girl loves to shop!) I said that her going to the mall was like an alcoholic going to the bar. I challenged her to decide if her 4-year-old could have Target underwear instead of Gap underwear. And I said, have you gone to the thrift stores? She wrinkled her nose up at me. She was not interested. Well, for those of you who are, read on:

We need clothes for the kids for our trip to Haiti. Since we don't know exactly what sizes to get, we need to bring a few different things. In order to do that on a budget, I hit the thrift stores. This is my loot from Savers. Here is what I got for Patricia (ok, some of it is for when she comes home): two skirts; jean shorts; pink blouse; three sundresses; a denim jumper; and two pairs of pjs. For Philippe: two swimsuits (we get to take them to the pool at the hotel); two pairs of jean shorts; a pair of camo shorts, and a pair of slippers. I paid $33.00 for all of this. That averages out to about $2.00 per item. All items are in excellent shape, and some were brand new. Some of the brand names purchased: Old Navy; Children's Place; Osh Kosh B'Gosh; Carter's; Columbia Sportswear; Tommy Hilfiger and Kenneth Cole Reaction. The rest was Target brands.



Here is what I got at Salvation Army. For Patricia: six tops, a pair of capris, a skirt and a pair of slippers. For Philippe, three t-shirts. The total for these was about $37.00, which averages out to be about $3.15 per item. Eleven of these items were brand new from Target and one was a Gap polo.


Many thrift stores have brand new items. My favorite Salvation Army has what we affectionately call "Underground Target" because the downstairs is almost entirely merchandise from Target. I have found brand new toys, games, sporting goods for kids, cute jewelry, hand wipes, cleaning supplies, artwork (for Philippe's room!) and below you will see that I found brand new sleeping bags for the older two for $10 each.


You do have to be willing to look through things, but time at the thrift stores can be translated into great finds and extra dollar signs! Check it out!

New Law Will Affect Parents

I already had a very cynical view of government, and our adoption process has only reinforced that cynicism. I'm sure many of you can relate. If not, then it's probably safe to assume that you've never asked a bitter INS employee, who lost the ability to smile years ago, to explain why the fingerprints you've had since before you were born "expire" every 15 months.

Like anyone else with a healthy distrust of people who have the power to tell you what to do and the guns to make sure you do it, I don't exactly get warm, fuzzy feelings when the government imposes a new law in an effort to make this world "safer" for me and my children. There are always unintended consequences.

Such is the case with a new law set to go into effect next month. Under the guise of protecting children, this law will require the testing of all kids' clothing, toys, jewelry, etc. for lead and other toxic substances.

Sounds reasonable, right? Well, that all depends.

Blogger "Mom101" describes an e-mail she received:

It was from a mom in Ohio who, for the first time, was able to make enough money selling handmade barrettes at her Etsy shop this year that she could afford to stay home with her small son. But thanks to the Consumer Products Safety Improvement Act which passed this year and introduces such prohibitive testing and labeling regulations for kids products, she's likely to be out of business in two months.

In fact the act threatens to put so many crafters, toy artisans, retailers and small business owners out of work that the day it goes into effect, February 10, is being referred to as National Bankruptcy Day.

Like the economy isn't awesome enough already.

Think: The stay-at-home mom selling beautiful handmade rag dolls, the artist in Wisconsin who's been hand-whittling natural wood trains for thirty years, the ebay-ing grandma who knits baby booties and sells them for extra income, the adorable kids superhero cape maker at your local craft bazaar.

All gone. Only to be replaced by plastic garbage from companies who can afford to comply with the new law.

Jen over at Mama's Magic calls the law a "death knell to the handcraft movement for children's items." She writes:

While I sympathize with the sentiments behind it -- of course I do! I'm a mom with two small kids! -- the CPSIA is feel-good legislation at its worst. It slaps on a bunch of regulations and requirements in the broadest of manners, without thinking through the details.

And did I mention it will put me out of business? At least the Baby Friendly Beads part of Mama's Magic Studio. That or I'll be operating illegally.

Why? Because the CPSIA requires end unit testing on every product intended for use by children under 12. It is the responsibility of the manufacturer to do this testing, regardless of how small the business. These tests run into the hundreds of dollars. And every piece of my jewelry is one of a kind, so would require a separate set of tests. It isn't enough to test a single prototype. Since each piece of my jewelry sells for $50 or less, the math just doesn't add up.

It isn't enough to test the components, nor is it sufficient to rely on your suppliers' certification of the safety of the materials. Apparently, according to the CPSIA, simply knitting yarn into a baby blanket or putting beads on a cord mysteriously changes the composition of said materials and requires a whole 'nother set of tests, because they might have suddenly turned toxic. There are no exemptions for small businesses and "micro" manufacturers like myself and most handcraft artisans.

The law won't be limited to handmade items. Those who sell secondhand children's clothes will also affected. The LA Times reports:

The law, aimed at keeping lead-filled merchandise away from children, mandates that all products sold for those age 12 and younger -- including clothing -- be tested for lead and phthalates, which are chemicals used to make plastics more pliable. Those that haven't been tested will be considered hazardous, regardless of whether they actually contain lead.

"They'll all have to go to the landfill," said Adele Meyer, executive director of the National Assn. of Resale and Thrift Shops. ...

... Carol Vaporis, owner of Duck Duck Goose Consignment in New Port Richey, Fla., said her store stocks barely used brand-name clothing from places such as Limited Too and Gymboree.

"We really provide a service to the community to help people get clothes for their children they otherwise couldn't afford," she said.

Families have been bringing more clothes to consignment stores, where they get a chunk of the proceeds, to earn a little cash this winter, she said. She plans to contact her congressional representatives and senators to ask them to amend the law but says there's not enough awareness about the repercussions of the law to force anything to change.

Some of you may not think there is a need for concern, but consider the impact on the cost of clothes, both new and used. Think of all the blogs and web sites you've run across that feature hand-crafted toys, clothes, and jewelry for sale by parents who are seeking to put a slight dent in their adoption expenses.

I do know this will affect us. Dawn has already spent many hours making kids' knitted hats, bibs, blankets, and purses, and was getting ready to open her own Etsy online shop.

** UPDATE **
The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued a clarification yesterday regarding this new law. It states:

The new law requires that domestic manufacturers and importers certify that children's products made after February 10 meet all the new safety standards and the lead ban. Sellers of used children's products, such as thrift stores and consignment stores, are not required to certify that those products meet the new lead limits, phthalates standard or new toy standards.

The new safety law does not require resellers to test children's products in inventory for compliance with the lead limit before they are sold. However, resellers cannot sell children's products that exceed the lead limit and therefore should avoid products that are likely to have lead content, unless they have testing or other information to indicate the products being sold have less than the new limit. Those resellers that do sell products in violation of the new limits could face civil and/or criminal penalties.

This means that the government probably won't be cracking down on Etsy and Ebay sellers for the time being. But there's more:

While CPSC expects every company to comply fully with the new laws resellers should pay special attention to certain product categories. Among these are recalled children's products, particularly cribs and play yards; children's products that may contain lead, such as children's jewelry and painted wooden or metal toys; flimsily made toys that are easily breakable into small parts; toys that lack the required age warnings; and dolls and stuffed toys that have buttons, eyes, noses or other small parts that are not securely fastened and could present a choking hazard for young children.

The problem with clarifications like this is that they aren't the law. The clarifications can change at any time depending on who's in charge. So, yes, there is still reason for concern.

Sorrowful Sunday...

my


favorite


sock monkey slippers

I'm Sick :(

I am one sick puppy and I am feeling rather pouty about it. I am feeling really crummy and have to say that this sore throat could bring even a tough sicky sick to their knees. And I am not a tough sicky sick. I am a big ole' ba-by.

I haven't been sick since April. The one good thing is that since I did a post on wanting Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup when I am sick, something changed! Lee not only made me the soup, he hopped in the car to go BUY me the soup. So this is good.

Maybe he will find this little contraption somewhere...



This would come in handy right now.

JUST SAY NO TO UNICEF

My entire life I have seen and heard things about UNICEF, always thinking that they were a great organization. "Trick or treat for UNICEF" is a phrase that I recall. I have recently learned much more...and they were in Haiti last week meeting with government officials, which has made many waiting Haiti parents a bit nervous. They say that they only put pressure on governments to pass laws that comply with the international conventions, but it seems that it goes much further than that. Many attribute recent delays in Guatemala and Haiti to UNICEF. When you hear that there are adoption delays in a country, do a little digging - it may be due to the influence of UNICEF. (Let me clarify that this is not the case for China's delays.)

Here is a quote from a Palm Beach Post article, regarding the newly orphaned children of the tsunami in 2005: "'If a child has already lost everything, we feel there is no point in making things worse by imposing a new country, customs and language on it,' said Marc Vergara, another UNICEF official." Here is a link to UNICEF's statement regarding international adoption.

Interesting that I happened to post on dirt cookies/mud cakes last week, because an article was just published this week on the topic. There are more details of how Haiti has landed in this crisis situation. I fully recognize that similar things are happening in Ethiopia, Africa and other places. There is just something about Haiti being a two hour flight from Miami that makes it more sickening to me. That Haiti is the poorest country in the Americas. That it is the only Caribbean island that is not a vacation destination. (Try to find a travel book on Haiti at the local library or bookstore.) That when you hear about starving children and poverty, you don't hear about Haiti; you hear about Africa. Haiti, in my estimation, is overlooked, both by those reporting the news and by those adopting.

We were one of the couples who didn't even think of Haiti when we discussed adoption. We found these blogs from Greg and Cara before we were even adopting from Haiti. We didn't pick the country and then decide to adopt though. God simply directed us to Patricia (and then Philippe), who just happen to be in Haiti. It isn't a short process, and people want a short process. I don't blame them. I hear that Ethiopia is growing in popularity for international adoption because of the short waits. I just pray that there is far more to their decision than the speed of the adoption process...

Anyhoo, if you don't have time or interest to read the article, please just look at the photos and ask yourself if you would like to live in Haiti. I wonder if UNICEF officials would like to live there! I will leave you with one last story. People we knew from our former church adopted from Ethiopia. Their car broke down in a village on their way to the airport. When people in the village realized that they were adopting a little girl and taking her to America, they pushed their children up to the car and asked if they could take their kids to America, too. It is not that the parents don't love their children. It is that they love them so much that they would let them go, so that they can have hope, opportunity and so much more.