We thought about switching dentists when we moved across town because it would be nice to have one closer to home, but then thought we had been going there so long we might as well drive across town – it isn’t every day after all! When I found out that he was an adoptive father I thought, “Well, that clinches it! He will be great with the kids and we will have that in common!
Then, when my mouth was full of novocaine, rubber gloves and dental implements, our dentist told this story:
“My (adopted) son from [another country] has fetal alcohol syndrome so he has a hard time understanding certain things, but he is a good kid. Because of his syndrome he won’t be going to college but was planning on going to a vocational school. I have two older biological daughters, and I put them through college and he knows that. He came to me and asked, ‘Dad? You know how you helped [so] and [so] through college? Could you help me to go to vocational school?’ And I said, ‘Son, when we adopted you it cost a great deal of money – did you know it cost the same amount to adopt you as it did for the girls to go to school?’ He didn’t realize that, you see, because it is harder for him to understand sometimes.”
Let me just say this. It is a GOOD thing my mouth was numb and full of implements at that point. Actually, I may have been speechless even if I could have spoken. I can’t believe that someone would hold that over a child’s head. I can’t believe how non-chalantly he told me this. Like it was 100% totally peachy-keen ok to tell your kid that. Or to even THINK that way! You could do it for everything! “Dad, can we order a pizza?” “No, son, I am still paying off your adoption! It cost a great deal of money!” What about a biological child with health problems? Couldn’t you say, “We spent a great deal of money on your health expenses, son, so no, I won’t be helping you with college, but your healthy siblings, well, THEY can get help with theirs.” Where would this type of thinking end? I am so sorry for the child (now a young man) who has grown up with this.
Ummmm, yeah. We are switching dentists. And it is NOT because of the drive.